For eight years, Bronnie Ware, Dr. in Psychology, led a team that cared for people who were in the final stages of their lives. They were known to be critically ill and most had three to 12 weeks to live.
But Ware gradually realized that the most important role she had was not to speak to them, but to listen to them just before they died. She recorded their reflections in her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
“If only I had the courage to…”
In their final days, many of her patients shared with her what they regret most. The most common response, according to Ware, was: “I wish I had the courage to live the life I wanted, not the life others expected of me.”
“It’s very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way before it’s too late,” he writes. “Health brings a freedom that few realize until they no longer have it.”
As a psychologist, this is something she sees all the time with her patients. He always tells them that time is the most valuable resource we have.
But living with an awareness of our own mortality fundamentally changes what we value and how we choose to use our time. It exposes the frivolous, empty pursuits that our culture often endorses.
Time and what really has value
Does the response to your social media post really matter? Does it matter what car you drive? Does it matter if a group of friends cut you out of their social circle? If they let you in, do you really want to spend your precious time with them?
Fully embracing the fact that we are not going to live forever brings our values into focus. When your dermatologist tells you he wants to biopsy an irregularly shaped mole because it looks precancerous, you probably aren’t thinking about the high-performance image you’ve carefully crafted to present to your colleagues.
Once you recognize that time is the most precious of all commodities, there will no longer be a disconnect between the choices you want to make and the choices you actually make.
What will you regret at the end of your life?
You don’t have to wait and then look back and wish you had done things differently. You can start today. Just ask yourself what you regret right now.
If you wish you were more present for your two-year-old daughter, you’re likely to have the same regret four decades from now. If you regret choosing the comfort and familiarity of your current job over pursuing your dream, you’ll likely feel it toward the end of your life.
The big difference between now and then is that you have the ability to do something about it today.
