“Quiet quitting” first appeared as a term last year in March, and it’s somewhat misleading, as it doesn’t literally refer to quitting, but to various practices that employees of mostly large companies in the US have begun to implement to reduce their workload. In short, they decided not to “go all out” during their hours, to remain calmer and ultimately healthier mentally and happier with their work. This “silent”, “quiet” – if we prefer the direct translation of “quiet” – approach to work, i.e. the opposite of workaholism, slowly began to make its appearance in various other aspects of life, such as the relationships of couples and, finally, friendly relationships. (for more information please read the analysis titled “Quiet Quitting: Employees More Likely to Reevaluate Their Lives and Priorities“).
But what is “quiet quitting” in friendship, and what is its stages?
Peace in general as a concept is a nice thing, as long as it is done on the terms we want. In the case of a workplace, “quiet quitting” may indeed be possible, although personally we would not directly associate it with the concept of resignation, but with the boundaries that must exist on our part in every area of life anyway . Let’s say, then, that behind this new concept there is a set of behaviors that means the position of limits. But how does this result come about? In the workplace, someone can start their work half an hour after the official start of their schedule and not make up this time after it is over.
- The phone does not ring
In friendship, “quiet quitting” is theoretically covered by the same concept, and includes similar practices. At first you won’t pick up a phone. Then you won’t reply to a message immediately. You will find excuses for any delay in your communication. These are easily done and believable, after all, who hasn’t heard a call in the hustle and bustle of work or the bus? Then this calm, quiet withdrawal will include other behaviors. Or it probably won’t include things like phone calls, invitations to go out, coffee, food or drink, suggestions for walks, and in-depth conversations. As these are added to the “quiet” menu of boundary setting, online communication will also decrease in frequency and volume, even if it is one-sided at first. Gradually, therefore, the elements that keep a friendship alive will be “erased”, which will remain stagnant and out of date.
We don’t need to look deeply into the reasons why we don’t want to be friends with someone anymore. Maybe our lives have taken different paths, maybe we now disagree radically on some fundamental things, to the extent that we don’t recognize the person we have in front of us, and maybe the routine has affected us in such a way that we want to acquire new ones people in our circle, since the old ones “don’t do it for us anymore”.
- The big bang
At this point, however, two important issues arise: on the one hand, there are true friendships that last over time, regardless of how many times the friends will meet or talk in a x period of time, and on the other hand, “quiet quitting” many times it doesn’t happen quietly. On the contrary, it makes so much noise that many more eyes can be turned on it than those of the friends we gradually abandon. In this case, we don’t set boundaries: we cut out. And this behavior is at least hypocritical on our part and unfair to the one we have in front of us.
Boundaries are just like quietness, a very beautiful concept, as long as it meets our desires. I set limits when, for example, I have any conversation with my friend and, if I think that he insults me personally with his words, I point it out to him and we resolve it together – and if not in a charged atmosphere, in one of our next communications. Setting boundaries also means that if a friend insists, for example, that we go out while we are already one with the quilt, we make our position clear to them simply and nicely. Boundaries, however, exist in a friendship from the start and evolve with it, as they do in any human relationship. If they don’t exist in the first place or are suddenly abolished along the way or if they don’t develop, then it means that our relationship is not based on solid ground anyway. It is not based on us as personalities. Just because you no longer get along with a friend doesn’t mean it’s time to put limits on your relationship. It means that the boundaries that existed before no longer meet your wishes – or that they did not exist at all.
- and what can we say?
So, if one fine morning we realize that so-and-so is not really our friend anymore – or never was – we can simply cut off relations with him, with the blessings of the – very convenient – “quiet quitting” and the reason that we don’t have much time left, to waste it on/with people we don’t want to associate with. Before, however, we follow this new “fashion”, it is good to reflect on the following: firstly, how much our relationship met the term friendship and secondly, if in fact what lies behind our refusal to clearly tell the other the truth there is a disposition to avoid some conflict, even if through it our friendship may be saved. There is a category of people who, when they see that something is not progressing, decide to give up, because they are afraid or bored of the confrontation. In this way, however, he deprives himself and the other person of the opportunity to listen and give explanations, to adapt communication to a new basis, in short, to set limits, what “quiet” is talking about quitting’ by default.
And the recipient of such behavior is extremely likely to initially not notice what is happening, then to be concerned, more or less, then to claim things and, if he sees that a closed door is standing in front of him, simply make a decision that this is how he will is the situation from now on. Of course, this fact can be traumatic for him, in addition to being unfair, as in a relationship there are two sides and it is good that both are heard, especially when a crisis is going through.
So since when did we decide to go back to kindergarten and the “you took my toy, I’m not talking to you” tactic, and even normalize blocking a person online because our friendship is over? If we follow this “fad” too, chances are we’ll miss many opportunities to repair our relationships, never learn to take any responsibility for our behavior, and generally go through an emotional retreat that won’t do any good. nobody. And, above all, he won’t leave anyone alone.
